


They're Oblivious To Me

by DaGuppz (orphan_account)



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Gen, be happy about that, hey no one died this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7805428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DaGuppz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jordon felt the anger rising. He knew why it was there. He was seeing people loving and being loved.<br/>He couldn't do that.<br/>The last thing he loved was his dog and that had ended when he ran her over with his car, twice. Once forward and once backwards.<br/>He hated seeing others so happy when all he could feel was hate, envy, and pity for himself."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had a pretty shit night last night so this was written
> 
> enjoy my pain~~~

Jordon felt the anger rising. He knew why it was there. He was seeing people loving and being loved.  
He couldn't do that.  
The last thing he loved was his dog and that had ended when he ran her over with his car, twice. Once forward and once backwards.  
He hated seeing others so happy when all he could feel was hate, envy, and pity for himself.

He hated that George and Danny had wonderful daughters to love and care for.  
He envied Jorel and Dylan for finding people they truly love.  
He even was even resentful towards Matthew for being so content alone when everyone on else around him had someone.

The beer can in Jordon's hand crinkled as he flexed his fingers, watching his bandmates, his friends, joking and laughing together.  
Jordon wanted to scream at them. Scream at them about how they could be so oblivious to his pain, his suffering.  
How could they be so incompetent to his own friend's sorrows?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno how long this one will be because it doesnt have a plot like my others. this is literally just me forcing my emotions and action(also the action id like to do) on to our poor charles.  
> anywhore, enjoy~~

Jordon flipped through the channels on his TV, playing with the throw blanket under his feet with an absent mind.  
He had returned home after another oh-so glorious recording session to his empty home. Not even Stella was waiting anymore, she was long gone, buried behind his shed so he wouldn't have to think of what he did to her when he went outside.

For dinner tonight was a room temperature beer and a ham sandwich. He gave up on his single man cook outs a while back, not even having his dog to share the night with.  
He put the TV on some pulp fiction movie and pulled the throw blanket over himself before chugging the rest of his beer and settling down to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, kidos.  
> i actually got suspended from my reform so im kinda pissed. B/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, yeah, theres two chapters of this today, its been that shitty.  
> not much i can do about it, though.  
> anywhore, enjoy~~

Every day was the same damn thing.  
Wake up, have a drink, laze around, drink more, maybe hang out with the guys, see their happiness and their love, get angry, furious, hide it, contain it, don't let them see, go home, drink, watch TV, drink and then sleep.

Every. Single. Day.

Most of the time he would skip meals, unless he was with someone, he wouldn't bathe, unless he had plans, he wouldn't go outside, unless he truly had to.

In fact, if his house caught fire this very moment, he would rather burn to death than put effort into stepping outside and seeing people holding their loved ones close as they watch what little he had left turn to ash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, or do what yall do best and give me false hope from ao3 emails thinking there will be a comment when it just fuckin kudos.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS JODROS BIRTHDAYY SO I CENTERED THIS CHAPTER AROUND IT AND IT WAS WRITTEN A WEEK AGO CUZ I PLAN GOOD
> 
> enjoy~~~~~

Today there wasn't anger, there wasn't sadness, or envy, or hate, or any emotion at all right now.  
Maybe he drank too much last night and he's half braindead right now.  
How he could only wish.

It was a weekend, those two days he didn't have to be a functional human being. He could lay on his sofa and rot with the TV on low static volume.

It was Jordon's damn birthday today, September 3rd, 33 years old, still not feeling what any normal person feels on a happy day like this.  
Even George, a past abuser of his lovers, could find happiness on his or his daughter's birthday.  
Jorel, who was always depressed and mourning of the losses of Evan and Aron, could enjoy a night out with friends and Vanessa.

Thinking about these things now he felt emotions flooding his thoughts.

No, he didn't want to feel anything, not now.  
All he wanted, for one single day, was to not feel, not think, maybe not even live.

Jordon stood up from the sofa on drunk, wobbly knees, angry now at himself for feeling, and kicked over the closest thing to him.  
The coffee table.  
Beer bottles and a single ceramic bowl clattered against each other as they flew onto the floor with Jordon looking for another thing to smash.

The next closet thing he threw to the floor with a loud crash.  
The computer.  
He pulled drawers from the desk it had say on and tossed them across the room with as much force as he could muster, one of them crashing through his glass sliding door.

Satisfying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos~~|~ im in a good mood cuz i had a fun date last nighhhhttt with da fooooxx~~~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, there. is. no. plot.  
> im serriously just forcing my emotions on a person who doesnt even know i exist unless he read my annoying ass tweets @ him and aron.  
> enjoy if you can

He's gone and done it again, ruining everything again, destroying every relationship he has ever created.  
He _always_ does this.  
Jordon can't go a God damn day without fucking everything up.

He had pissed off Danny, making a joking comment about his daughter that was taken in a completely different fashion than he had meant it.  
They argued for a few minutes before Danny had kicked him out of his house, saying, 'you treated everyone like shit and not knowing doesn't make you a better person' as Jordon stormed out of the house.

He threw more things around his own house, shattering a plate and a few glass objects in his kitchen, breaking a bigger hole in his glass door, pulling the sheets off his bed and splintering the frame.  
He made his way back to the kitchen for any type of alcohol to drink, stepping on the shattered glass as he went.  
 _I deserve to bleed out and die,_ he thought, sliding his feet over the shards in a purposeful attempt to make himself bleed more.

There was no sort of alcoholic drink in his fridge.  
He grumbled as he made his way to the front door, grabbing his keys and walking out, not putting shoes or even socks on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, yada yada yada blah blah blah.  
> im sure there will ne another chapter out by tomorrow because im a awful person filled with unending hate.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does it have a plot? probs not. even if it does its not fine tuned like te others.  
> i just continued some of the other part.  
> enjoy~~~

Even the jingling of the entry chime for the liquor shop angered him further. He moved to the back of the store, earning looks from the cashier and his coworker.  
Jordon pulled out a case of beer, 40 off a shelf and hobbled up to the counter, placing them down lightly.  
Getting these look from people reminded him of how his teachers would tell him 'you shouldn't do that' or 'you need to be doing this'.  
He knew that wasn't these boys' intent, but he had to remind himself again.  
They said nothing of the bloody trail his feet left as he exited the store, the bell sounding again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a kinda maybe plot in this chapter okay?  
> this fic, no matter what, is subject to my unholy, everchanging, drugged up emotions tho. anything can happen with a loose plot like this.  
> also back story info ends in this chapt we move to present day-ish stuff.  
> BSLTS will be out eventually but 4 now take thisss  
> enjoy~~|

He _told_ them that he needed help, they said 'out patient therapy will do you good'.

Well, guess what? It didn't.  
Therapy once a week for a month only changed his behavior towards the outside world. He still only went outside when he had to, but he didn't show emotion. Not even when George would make a gay joke an kiss him, trying to make him laugh.  
Still, every night was the same.

 

When George entered the house Jordon wasn't in his usual spot on the couch with blankets piled on him.  
There was a new hole in the back door, which was more trash bag and duct tape than glass now.  
He turned right, to the master bedroom, past the destroyed computer desk, right again, into the ensuite bathroom.

The door was open, the lock and knob busted a while back, to his left was a disheveled Jordon, perhaps more than before.

George nudged him with his shoe, getting no response. He nudged him again, a bit rougher, still not receiving acknowledgement.  
George crouched down and took Jordon's wrist, fearing the worst and feeling around for a pulse before trying his throat where he found a weak and slow pumping one.  
George sighed loudly, relieved his friend wasn't dead just yet.

 

There's nothing better than sitting next to your best friend who's in a hospital bed hooked up to God knows what kind of machines.

The staff at the hospital had pumped Jordon's stomach after George informed them of everything that had been happening as of late.  
In all reality, Jordon had only tried to drink himself to death.  
 _Guess he remembers how awful overdosing feels,_ George had thought when they mentioned there was no trace of other drugs in his system.

 

"Mr. Terrell."  
"Fuckin'," Jordon groaned, "Just call me Jordon."  
"Alright, Jordon," The hospital assigned psychiatrist started with a sigh, "We've decided to commit you here for-" "Fucking finally! This guy gets a gold fucking star!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos  
> btw dont mix 5mg of melatonin and 100mg of amantadine   
> im not joking just dont  
> leave it to the professionals like me
> 
> i might have projected myself into jord just a bit much with my cursing


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gunna update yesterday or erlier today but i had a friend over yesterday, then got coked up in the evening(shame on me) and a date today with two people from 3-5 and hung out at the library from 1-3.  
> but its here!  
> enjoy~~

Most everyone was just glad they didn't have to write an obituary for their dead friend, but instead got meager and infrequent progress reports. 

With Jordon not wanting to bother his brothers, sister and mother with any of his problems he only let the guys in HU know what was happening. Very infrequently though, concerning the boys with his safety more often than not.

 

"Yeah, no, no, no, I can come in. I'd love to talk to him. 'Kay. Does he want anyone else to come-" George pulled the phone away from his ear slightly as he heard Jordon shouting in the background loudly.  
Almost all of the 'progress' reports George had mailed to him informed that there was truly not progress made with Jordon as he was now refusing to believe he had a reason to get better.  
"No, yeah, I understand. Of course." George sighed as hit ended the call, running his hands over his face.

The others had asked that when he was visiting Jordon next if one or two of them could join.  
Jordon had hollered about how he didn't want any of them coming with. The psychologist he was assigned convinced him after a few minutes that his friends missed him and wanted to at the least know he was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, kidos  
> book recommendation 4 today is "no speed limit: the highs and lows of meth".  
> good read yo


	9. Chapter 9

The person who had come with George was Danny, he was extremely excited to see his friend, even if his mental state was no better than when he had last seen him. 

 

Nothing was going right. Jordon didn't want anyone other than George to come visit him. None of them had ever come to check on him or say hello or take care of him when he was actively trying to off himself.

Dylan never came by to smoke, Jorel never came by to ask if he wanted to go skating, Matt never came by to hang out and joke, and Danny sure _as Hell_ never came by. Never took the time out of his oh so busy day to even check if his bandmate, his _brother_ was okay or even still **alive** for fuck's sake!

No! George was the only one who ever came over! Every other day he took time out of _his own personal life_ to come over!And it wasn't always fun and happy. No, half the time he had to carry Jordon's fat, half braindead ass into bed!

So, no. Jordon didn't want Danny coming and seeing him. He didn't care if Danny had 'missed' him or was 'worried' about him.  
If Danny was worried he would have come over to take care of him! Not just let him try to kill himself again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i wonder if people even care


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i had a major panic attack today when a fuckin cop showed up at my front door.  
> i had to send my folks out to talk to them they give me so much anxiety and fear. ive never had a good experience with a cop. not to mention i was sorting through some pills??

It wasn't rage any longer, it was panic. Pure panic. Fear.  
He didn't want Danny there. He didn't want to see Danny.  
He didn't want to see Danny or Matt or Jorel or Dylan, Hell, even _Aron_ would be better!

Jordon was stuck in a ten by ten visitors' room, sat in a chair at a table with two other chair across from him, a book shelf to his left, a locked door in front of him.

This wasn't okay. No. Not at all. A locked room was not good right now.  
What if Danny wasn't coming to be a good brother but to sneer at him for all his failures?

Jordon stared at the fake wood flat in front of his face, lips quivering with uncontrollable tears at a free fall, his whole body shaking. 

The door creaked open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos~~|  
> any1 interested in some amantadine 100mg caps prescription grade??  
> i get them p cheap from my psych but dont take them v often.  
> mix em with a with an engert drink and ya get sme nice hallucinations.  
> no alcohol tho,, SWIM did that once,,, not goodd.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have made little progress in moving the plot forward beause i suck, ita okay, rub it in. like salt in the wound.

Bored. That was the one word that described Jordon's emotions right now and all through out the day.  
Nothing eventful had happened when Danny came to visit, at least when Jordon calmed down.

The boredom of sitting in his room was dwindling down into loneliness.   
He hated being in this room now. After four months of time in this facility Jordon no longer wanted to stay. He didn't feel like anything they'd done ha helped him in any way, shape or form, but he'd learned how to hide it.  
He learned how to hide the jealousy when he saw other's getting visits from their significant others.  
He learned to hide his anger when patients got along well and he couldn't.  
He learned how to hide what he was really feeling from the psychologist assigned to him.

He just wanted to leave, honestly.  
George hadn't come to visit for the last month and half. Supposedly trying to ready things for the next tour but Jordon knew that wasn't it.  
George didn't need a burden like him in his life, weighing him down, making George take care of him.

Lonely. That's what he was.  
The root cause of the reason he was so angry at the others for being happy with someone and even angrier with Matt for being content alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, blah blah blah  
> im just gunna go sleep or some shit. happy fuckin birthday to me, right? ha, "happy" is such a funny and unforgiving word, should never be used with the likes of trash like me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, this ones short. thats cuz it 8 pm, a week day an im not taking anything to knock myself out tonight..

Jordon was once again in that stupid room, with that damned locked door, waiting for George to arrive.   
He wouldn't, though. The last time and the time previous he didn't show up. Jordon's discharge had been delayed for two months because George kept failing to show up.  
He never gave any warning before hand that he couldn't make it so Jordon would spend God knows how long in that room waiting for him. Jordon assumed it was George's way of saying he didn't care anymore.

Jordon jumped when the door handle turned and revealed a face he honestly didn't know whether he wanted to see or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, blah blah im gunna try to sleep and then maybe update BSLTS tomorrow,,


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, i dunno rn, im just, no word rn, i give,,,,  
> just read it, damn it

Jordon was sick of being treated like he was stupid just because he did something stupid.  
 _He_ graduated high school when Dylan _dropped out_ and Jorel and Matt _never even went to high school_.  
Jorel doesn't even know how to work a _car_ , for God's sake!  
Matt's a degenerate, homeless faggot working as a prostitute in his teenage years.  
Hell, Jordon may have lived with his mom until he was in his late twenties but at least he had a paying job. Dylan, even at seventeen when he dropped out like a moron, should have gotten a damn job instead of sitting on his ass and smoking blunts all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos and such man i give just leave the damn kudos i know youre gunna


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot i wrote this one out

When Jordon arrived to George's home he didn't get the warm welcome and love he so desperately craved.  
It was cold.  
Nobody spoke to him, Matt looked like he was going to cry, Danny and Jorel looked like they were going to murder him, and Dylan just looked away if they made eye contact.

 

George pulled Jordon to the side, "The psychologist gave them copies of answers in some of your work sheets and they're a bit upset. It'll blow over, I promise."   
Jordon didn't know what to feel, "Why'd he fuckin' do that?" Jordon gritted his teeth and whispered the words in a harsh tone.

George lead Jordon into his bedroom, closing the door behind them.  
"Jordon, I don't know if you remember or not 'cause you might've been doped up on something, but you threaten to injure them in all kinds of different ways. That's why your discharge got delayed."

Jordon crossed his arms, a habit he formed from trying not to deck people every time they opened their mouth. He look down, focusing in George's wool socked feet.   
George was wringing his hands nervously, something he'd always done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos,,.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh,,,,

Jordon wondered how George would feel if he knew how Jordon was feeling right now. Not just with his mental health, but with all kinds of other things.  
He didn't even know how explain it anymore. It was like one day he just woke up and saw George in a whole different and blindingly new light.  
Not that he had never thought that George was a good looking guy, but suddenly it was more than just his looks. It was the way he could communicate with people how Jordon couldn't, how he actually let Jordon stay in his guest bedroom when his wife and child were living in the same house.   
Sooner or later it was Jordon having dreams and fantasies about George, relishing every moment he got with him. Then again, when Asia was around it was different.

Jordon didn't feel like laughing or having fun with George or Ava, he sat away from the family. On the other side of the dinner table, on the far end of the couch, or just hiding in the guest doom. 

George didn't love him and he never would. Of course Jordon knew that. But did his stupid ass emotions? No, of course not. They're _emotions_ , they're not _rational_!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh, do what you want, yall dont take peoples' requests seriously anyway,,,


	16. Chapter 16

Jordon had become colder towards George.  
Refusing any sort of help or comfort from him, refusing to eat what he was given.  
He preferred just to stay in bed all day.

"Jordon?" George said, opening the door after knocking a few times.  
"Jordon." He repeated, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge with his arms crossed.   
The last time he had touched Jordon he had lashed out, screaming at George and flailing.

"Jordon, we need to talk, okay? I need to know what's going on."  
Jordon shifted a bit, just curling up tighter.  
After a few seconds he asked, "Why?"  
"Because I'm worried about you. I love you, Jordon, and I hate seeing you like this, I miss that old smile."  
"Don't say that." Jordon said sharply.

"Don't say what? That I love you? Why?" George was honestly confused, Jordon used to be so happy when George told him he loved him.

"Because it's not true." Jordon's voice cracked and he could feel the tears threatening his composure.  
"Jordo-" "No! Don't say it! If it's not true, then don't say it. You're just lying..." He trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut.

He hated everything right now. He kept thinking about how he fucked everything up.  
He had destroyed his relationship with Randi, God, he had fucked that up so bad.   
He had walked out after some stupid fight, saying 'You obviously don't want me here, so I'll leave'.  
After that he had started neglecting Sue, forgetting to feed him turned into just not caring anymore.  
He starved his poor baby boy because he felt like shit inside and didn't have enough heart to take care of him.  
That's when the lying started.   
He lied about Sue's death, saying he had gotten sick with distemper and died.  
Then he started lying about the drugs and the alcohol.  
Lying about him eating.

Jordon didn't care enough to even tell George how he felt anymore, just let the heartbreak kill him. He deserved it anyway.

Jordon didn't even notice that George had left the room until he turned over to say something.  
George didn't even care it seemed. He just left like it was nothing.

Rolling over onto his back, Jordon let out a sob.   
This was it, that rock bottom thing.  
Can't climb back up without gear, though.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand this is the end  
> long, uncomfortable, and boring journey, i know

Jordon threw the bag over his shoulder, he packed what he needed and a few thing that he wanted to keep with him.  
He didn't want to be around George or the guys anymore. It was a useless endeavor for them to try to fix whatever was wrong in his head.

When George was at work, Ava at school, and Asia wherever she went during her day, Jordon left.  
He walked out the front door.  
He left no note of where he was going, no note of his intentions, nothing of the sort.

 

During the first day he was leaving, he decided to just walk, walk as far as he could until it was either too dark or he was too tired to keep going.

By the time he did stop it was dawn. A pink line was skimming the sky with a line of low stratus clouds.

This was it.   
_End of the line, boy. You had your chance with him and you fucked it up. So here you are_  
"I know, I know…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments over kudos, blah blah


End file.
